How to Gently Change Baby or Toddler Sleep When What Used to Work Stops Working
Just when you start to feel like you've found your rhythm - bedtimes are calmer, naps are mostly happening, and nights feel vaguely manageable - everything changes.
Your baby starts fighting sleep again. Your toddler needs you to stay longer. That hard-won stretch of evening peace disappears overnight, and you’re left wondering what happened.
Here’s the truth that often gets missed: this isn’t you doing something wrong. It’s just change. And change is built into baby and toddler sleep.
Their brains and bodies are growing so rapidly that sleep patterns will naturally shift along the way. It’s not a sign of failure or a problem to fix - it’s a reflection of development. As they take in new experiences, practice new skills, and process their expanding world, sleep will ebb and flow to match.
Sleep isn't a straight line
We love the idea that once sleep improves, it’ll stay that way - that progress builds neatly, like steps on a ladder. But baby and toddler development isn’t tidy. It's full of swirls and spirals, and sleep follows the same path.
Sleep can shift when your little one is teething, learning to crawl or walk, starting nursery, going through a nap transition, or adjusting to a big emotional leap. And yes, those changes can sometimes make things harder for a little while before they get easier again.
But that doesn’t mean sleep has “gone backwards.” It means your child is growing.
And when you expect that sleep will change, it becomes easier to respond with curiosity, flexibility, and care, instead of panic or pressure.
This is why asking “What’s going on underneath this?” is often more helpful than “What am I doing wrong?” — I talk more about that in Why Curiosity Is the Secret Ingredient to Better Baby Sleep. Because when we pause to get curious, we usually find it’s not about fixing sleep, but understanding what’s shifted.
Small changes can help
Sometimes, what used to work stops working, and that can be frustrating. But it doesn’t mean you need to start from scratch. Often, the most effective shifts are gentle and gradual.
Maybe your toddler’s bedtime used to involve a short cuddle and now they’re clinging for dear life. Maybe a nap is being refused more often. Maybe you’re suddenly needed again in the middle of the night.
Rather than jumping to fix it all, pause and gently ask yourself:
– What’s changed for them lately?
– Is there something new they’re learning, feeling, or facing?
– What might help us both feel more supported right now?
This is where responsive parenting comes in - meeting your child where they are today, not where they were last week. It’s not about abandoning what worked before. It’s about adapting it, piece by piece, to fit this new chapter.
And if you’re feeling like it’s all on you to “get sleep right,” you might find comfort in What You Can and Can’t Control in Baby Sleep. Because some things are just outside your hands—and letting go of that pressure can be a powerful step forward.
Be brave enough to experiment
If something’s not working, you don’t have to keep pushing through. You’re allowed to try something new - not because what you were doing was wrong, but because you’re responding to the season you’re in.
The trick is to start with small, sustainable tweaks, and to try them at times when change feels more manageable. Big shifts don’t have to happen at bedtime, when everyone’s tired and emotions are running high.
Do hard things at easy times.
If you’re hoping to start settling your baby in the cot after contact napping, try the first nap of the day. For some reason, it’s often the easiest nap to change, and you’ll have more energy and patience than at the end of the day.
When you approach change as an experiment, it takes the pressure off. What’s the worst that could happen? If it doesn’t work, you can always go back. Nothing is wasted. You’re learning what helps.
And when you do decide to tweak something, like shifting bedtime, shortening a nap, or layering in a new settling cue, give it time. It can take 10 to 14 days for a child’s circadian rhythm and emotional expectations to adjust.
Change takes patience. It’s a process, not an instant fix.
Change is hard, for you, too
While we often focus on how to support our little ones through change, it’s just as important to acknowledge that it’s hard for us as parents, too.
Maybe you’d just found your footing again and now everything feels wobbly. Maybe you’re grieving the short evenings you’d reclaimed, or bracing yourself for another round of broken nights. Maybe you're tired of always having to adjust, just when things were starting to settle.
That feeling is valid. This stuff is relentless. And wanting things to feel easier doesn’t make you ungrateful or impatient - it makes you human.
So if you’re feeling worn out, know this: the hard nights are not your fault. You don’t have to be perfect. And you’re still doing a brilliant job, even if everything feels upside down again.
This isn’t backtracking - it’s becoming
I want to end with this gentle reminder: your baby or toddler hasn’t forgotten how to sleep. You haven’t “undone” anything. The connection you’ve built is still there. And it’s exactly what they need as they move through whatever this new season brings.
Change doesn’t mean you’ve lost progress. It just means they need you in a slightly different way for a little while.
So observe. Experiment gently. Make small, thoughtful shifts when needed. And trust that you can adjust together, because your presence is the constant they rely on, even as everything else keeps evolving.
Want sleep support that grows with your child?
Download The Gentle Sleep Recipe for responsive tools that flex with real life
Or explore 1:1 support for tailored, child-led sleep strategies
