Why Curiosity Is the Secret Ingredient to Better Baby Sleep
And why “What’s really going on here?” is a more helpful question than “What am I doing wrong?”
When sleep goes sideways, it’s easy to go straight into self-blame
You’ve done everything right - the routine, the wind-down, the full tummy, the calm voice.
And still… they’re bouncing off the walls.
Or refusing to nap. Or waking up at 3am ready to party.
That creeping thought slips in again:
“What am I doing wrong?”
But what if that’s not the question you need to ask?
What if instead of blaming yourself or rushing to fix the sleep you paused and asked something gentler:
“What might they need right now?”
Curiosity changes everything
When sleep is tricky, it’s natural to want answers. We crave predictability - a solution, a quick fix.
But baby sleep doesn’t work like that. It’s fluid, responsive, and often influenced by things that have nothing to do with bedtime itself.
That’s why curiosity is so powerful. It helps you take a step back, soften the self-criticism, and see the bigger picture.
Instead of jumping to “They’re just being difficult,” or “I’ve made a rod for my back,” curiosity asks:
Has something changed in their world recently?
Are they learning a new skill?
Have naps shifted slightly, or not been quite right for their needs?
Do they need more connection today?
Is something bubbling under the surface emotionally or physically?
It doesn’t mean you need to fix it all.
But asking the question opens the door to more compassionate, informed responses, rather than reactive ones.
Baby sleep doesn’t exist in a bubble
Sleep is shaped by so many other things - from teething to transitions, milestones to temperament.
Some of the most common reasons sleep suddenly changes include:
Learning a new skill (like crawling, walking, or talking)
Starting nursery or experiencing separation
A shift in nap needs or bedtime rhythm
Big emotional days with lots of stimulation
Illness, teething, or just feeling a bit “off”
And often, it’s a mix of things. Which is why treating sleep like a simple behaviour to correct doesn’t really work.
Your baby isn’t broken.
They’re communicating.
And curiosity helps you hear them more clearly.
When you get curious, you zoom out
You stop hyper-focusing on sleep itself and begin to notice patterns, cues, and emotions.
You see your child’s sleep as a whole entity, not just a list of wake windows.
And often? That’s the key.
Because most of the time, sleep resistance isn’t just about sleep.
It’s about what your child is processing, how safe they feel, or what part of their development is peaking.
When you respond to that - not just the clock or the chart - your child settles more easily.
And you feel less like you’re guessing, and more like you’re getting it.
Want to go deeper into what really supports healthy development and rest?
Read What Children Really Need in the Early Years of Parenting
Curiosity doesn’t mean doing more
This isn’t about becoming a detective. It’s about pausing before you jump to fixing, and letting yourself wonder.
You don’t need to overhaul everything.
You don’t need to get it perfect.
You just need a little more room to explore:
What’s working enough right now?
What can I let go of?
What’s one gentle shift that might help?
Gentle sleep support rooted in curiosity looks like:
Helping you ask the right questions - instead of handing you a rigid plan
Supporting you to notice your child’s unique needs - not compare them to a chart
Giving you confidence in your own observations - not someone else’s rules
Because when you get curious instead of critical, you start parenting with more ease and trust.
You stop blaming yourself, or your baby, and start building something that actually works for both of you.
Curiosity is calming - for both of you
There’s a quiet power in swapping panic for perspective.
When you get curious instead of critical, it creates breathing space.
It lowers the pressure.
It reminds you that you’re not to blame, you’re not behind - you’re just in a new phase.
Curiosity also protects your connection. Instead of rushing in to make your baby “settle,” you get a chance to tune in to what’s underneath the resistance.
And often, that’s all they need - a moment of understanding before they’re able to let go.
How to stay curious when you’re tired and touched out
Curiosity doesn’t require a detailed sleep log or a perfect plan.
It starts with a pause.
Here are a few gentle prompts that can help when sleep feels stuck:
What’s actually feeling hard right now?
Is this new, or has it been building for a while?
Has something changed in our daily rhythm?
Could they be asking for something that’s not sleep-related, like connection, comfort, or play?
Is this a phase I need to ride through, or something I want to gently support?
You don’t need to analyse every moment.
Just notice.
Stay open.
And remind yourself: this is information, not failure.
You don’t need all the answers
Sometimes there’s no neat explanation. No clear “cause.” No fix that works instantly.
But curiosity means you’re showing up with presence, not pressure.
And that’s where the magic happens.
Because you’re not trying to control your baby - you’re trying to understand them.
And when you shift the question from “What am I doing wrong?” to “What’s going on here?”
You meet your child with compassion instead of correction.
You meet yourself there, too.
Want to feel more confident responding to sleep challenges, even when the advice is loud and conflicting?
Read: How to Feel More Confident About Baby Sleep (Without Sleep Training or Guilt
Coming next week: C is for Control
We’ll explore what’s actually within your influence when sleep feels chaotic, and what’s okay to let go of.
Need gentle, real-life support that helps you ask better questions, and feel calmer while doing it?
