The Truth About the Eat, Play, Sleep Routine: Why It Doesn’t Work for Every Baby (And What Actually Helps)
There’s one baby sleep tip that gets shared everywhere: Eat, play, sleep.
It sounds so simple, doesn’t it?
Feed your baby, give them a bit of playtime, then settle them to sleep without feeding again. A neat little cycle of predictable naps, self-settling, and sleep “success.”
The holy grail of routines.
But here’s the thing: for a lot of families, it just doesn’t work.
And not because they’re doing anything wrong.
Because babies aren’t robots, and feeding and sleep are biologically linked.
Why Feeding to Sleep Is Normal - Not a “Bad Habit”
If you've ever asked yourself "Is it okay to feed my baby to sleep?" - you're not alone! This has to be one of the most common questions I get asked.
The truth? Feeding your baby to sleep isn’t a sleep problem.
It’s instinctual. It’s calming. And it’s been happening for thousands of years.
Breast milk, in particular, is biologically designed to support sleep, especially at night. It contains tryptophan, a natural precursor to melatonin, the hormone that helps with sleep.
And that lovely rhythm of sucking? It activates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting regulation and calm.
That’s why it often works so well.
Feeding is more than just nutrition. It’s connection, comfort, and safety.
And of course your baby falls asleep after feeding, because it works. Because it’s meant to.
Is Feeding to Sleep a “Sleep Association”? Let’s Reframe That
So many exhausted parents start to question themselves:
“Am I creating a sleep association?”
“Is my baby waking more because I fed them to sleep?”
“Do I need to stop this to improve sleep?”
Here’s my take: blaming the boob (or bottle) for night waking oversimplifies baby sleep.
Babies wake for lots of reasons - hunger, discomfort, developmental changes, separation anxiety.
No baby thinks, “I need to feed because that’s how I fell asleep.”
They wake because they need something, and feeding is often the fastest, simplest way to meet that need.
Yes, some babies feed to sleep and wake frequently.
Yes, others feed to sleep and sleep long stretches.
And yes, some babies will much prefer being fed to sleep than any other method.
The important thing to bear in mind is this: your baby can learn other ways to be settled to sleep, but right now, feeding is what they know best.
It’s familiar. It’s comforting. It’s worked.
And when something works, of course they’ll want to keep doing it.
But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It just means that if you want to make a change, you can do so gently, with reassurance and support.
It’s not what you do, it’s whether it’s working for you.
Why the Eat, Play, Sleep Routine Doesn’t Work for Every Baby
The idea that Eat, Play, Sleep sets your baby up for long-term sleep success is pushed hard by sleep trainers.
You’ll often hear:
“Start it from day one and you’ll avoid sleep problems.”
“Put the right habits in place early and your baby will sleep through the night.”
“If your baby isn’t sleeping well, it’s because you created a sleep crutch.”
It’s a lot of pressure.
And for many families, it feels like a trap.
Because if your baby isn’t sleeping well… the unspoken message is you must’ve done it wrong. Right?
Nope!
Baby temperament matters.
Some babies - laid-back, low-needs babies - will sleep well regardless of your routine.
Others (those more alert, sensitive, or active) will struggle with sleep even if you follow every rule.
So when you hear another parent say, “We just followed Eat, Play, Sleep from the start and now my baby sleeps 12 hours!”
Please take it with a mountain of salt.
They were given a baby who sleeps easily. Not everyone is.
Where True Sleep Independence Really Comes From
One of the most common myths in the baby sleep world is that independence comes from separation. That if you don’t teach your baby to self-settle without help, they’ll never learn.
But here’s the truth: independence grows from connection.
Babies who feel safe, seen, and soothed are the ones who gradually develop the ability to fall asleep without help - in their own time.
They don’t need to be left to learn.
They need to know you’ll come when they call.
So if you’re wondering how to build healthy sleep habits - start with trust, not training.
What To Do Instead of Forcing Eat, Play, Sleep
If Eat, Play, Sleep works for your baby? Brilliant. Stick with it.
If it doesn’t? That’s just as valid.
Try feeding your baby to sleep if it feels good and it’s working.
Or feed at the start of the routine.
Or do a bit of both.
Responsive sleep support means finding what works best for your baby and your reality.
If you’re feeling drained and your baby is waking every 45 minutes all night, it’s okay to gently shift the pattern.
But you don’t need to separate feeding from sleep just because someone else said so.
What Parents Really Need (Hint: It’s Not a Perfect Routine)
Most new parents don’t need a rigid schedule.
They need information, compassion, and permission.
Permission to:
Do what works now
Make changes later if needed
Trust themselves instead of the sleep trainers
There is no one-size-fits-all baby. So why pretend there’s a one-size-fits-all routine?
You’re allowed to:
Take the easy route if it feels right
Follow your instincts
Ignore the noise and trust the connection you’re building
Feeding to sleep is not spoiling.
It’s not a sleep problem.
It’s a parenting superpower.
And you get to use it as much as you like.
Want Gentle Sleep Support That Puts Your Baby First?
If you’re looking for support that works with your baby’s needs - not against them:
Browse my gentle sleep support packages here
Book a free discovery call to talk things through here
Or head to the Free Resources page for tools and guides here
And if you want to go deeper into baby sleep, you might also like:
Why baby sleep feels hard (and what you can do right now)
What parents truly need for baby sleep success (It’s not what you think!)
Why self-settling isn't the answer to baby sleep challenges and what really helps
How to take control of your baby's sleep: Practical tips for parents
