Is Your Baby Really Sleep-Deprived? The Truth About Normal Baby Sleep (and Why You’re So Tired)
You’re exhausted.
You’ve been up four times in the night with your baby, your toddler’s asking for toast at 5:30 am, and you’re running on caffeine and sheer willpower.
So when someone says, “Your baby must be exhausted too - you really should sleep train,” it’s easy to believe them.
But here’s the truth: your exhaustion doesn’t automatically mean your baby is sleep-deprived.
This idea that babies are chronically exhausted and that it’s our job to fix them through sleep training? It’s everywhere.
And it’s a narrative that’s not only inaccurate - it’s incredibly damaging. It takes your very real sleep deprivation and uses it to fuel guilt and fear.
Let’s break this down.
Your Sleep Isn’t Their Sleep
Babies are biologically wired to wake frequently at night.
It’s protective, it supports feeding and bonding, and it’s developmentally normal.
You’re sleep-deprived.
But your baby? They’re having fragmented sleep - which isn’t the same thing as sleep deprivation.
Yes, they wake often. But between those wakings, most babies are still getting the total amount of sleep they need across a 24-hour period.
Broken sleep isn’t broken development.
The difference is that your baby’s biology is designed for short sleep cycles - yours isn’t. That mismatch is what makes early parenthood so exhausting.
If you’ve ever felt that calm should come before routines or that sleep is more than a schedule, my post Why Calm Matters Most for Baby and Toddler Sleep dives into how building connection and nervous-system safety changes everything.
The Sleep-Training Industry Wants You to Feel Like There’s a Problem
And why wouldn’t they?
If you feel like your baby’s natural sleep is dangerous, harmful, or “not enough,” you’re more likely to buy their solution.
The marketing often sounds like this:
“Babies need to learn how to sleep.”
“Poor sleep affects brain development.”
“Your baby is exhausted and needs your help to get quality sleep.”
But let’s be honest: this messaging isn’t really about your baby.
It’s about your pain, and selling you a promise of relief.
And while I completely understand the need for more rest (you won’t find any sleep-shaming here), let’s stop pretending that the driving force behind most sleep training is the baby’s well-being.
It’s about us.
It’s about wanting to feel human again, to not dread the nights, to be able to function during the day.
And you know what? That’s OK. You are allowed to want more sleep.
You’re allowed to want to support your baby’s sleep in a way that helps the whole family.
But let’s stop using your baby’s supposed exhaustion as the excuse.
If you’d like to explore this further, read Fear Is Not Support: Why Baby Sleep Marketing Needs to Change it unpacks how fear-based messaging distorts what ‘normal’ sleep really is.
“If You’re Tired, Just Sort It Out”
I’ve seen sleep coaches say, “If you’re that tired, then just sort it out,” as if the only logical next step is to train your baby to sleep through.
But what if instead we said:
Yes, you’re tired. That’s real. That matters.
Your baby’s night-waking isn’t a failure - it’s developmentally normal.
You can absolutely seek support, but let’s stop pretending your baby is broken.
Real Talk: Who Are We Really Doing This For?
When we support baby sleep - whether that’s tweaking routines, responding differently, or setting boundaries - we’re usually doing it for our benefit.
We’re trying to reduce our own sleep deprivation, find a rhythm that works, or just make the nights feel more manageable.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
You are a whole person with needs too.
You don’t have to martyr yourself to biologically normal sleep.
But let’s not wrap our needs in baby-centred guilt.
You can want change without feeling you have to blame your baby for being broken.
So, What’s the Takeaway?
If you’ve been told your baby is sleep-deprived just because they wake often, here’s what I want you to remember:
✨ Babies are meant to wake.
✨ Fragmented sleep is not the same as sleep deprivation.
✨ You are tired, and that’s a valid reason to seek support.
✨ But your baby probably isn’t the one who needs fixing.
Support your sleep in a way that feels right for your family.
Be honest about why you want to make changes - to feel more rested, more yourself, more connected.
So take it one night at a time. Notice what helps, let go of what doesn’t, and remember - tired doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
If you’d like help feeling more confident - without pressure or guilt - start with How to Feel More Confident About Baby Sleep (Without Sleep Training or Guilt)
Need more rest without resorting to rigid sleep training?
Let’s talk.
I offer 1:1 gentle sleep support packages, a free resources page, and free discovery calls to help you find your next best step.
